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THE BE-SIDES: PLEASE LIKE ME SYNDROME

THE BE-SIDES: PLEASE LIKE ME SYNDROME

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By B.E.

Many girls have a strange reaction to men who treat them poorly. It’s some sort of Pavlovian response where, if you are mean or disrespectful to us, we are in turn, super nice and accommodating in the hopes of turning things around and making us all one big happy family.  

No longer a naïve girl and a mere saddlebag away from womanhood, I have made a choice remedy this juvenile issue.  I too have been a victim of the please-like-me-more syndrome and I have reached a point either chronologically or logically that deems it unacceptable to be disrespectful. It seems logical, I know…

Personally, I function best with setting clear and concise goals. Having recently passed a major benchmark on the highway of life I am shifting gears and setting new goals. At the top of that list, I have chosen to no longer put up with poor treatment from those with fragile egos and underling motives. If feels good to articulate this because, for me, that is the first step to achieving success.

I have been my own worst enemy in these situations, needing validation more than respect. Never deemed a doormat, I have just simply chosen to let a lot of shit slide.  As one gets older, decisions get tougher; the clear path ahead that existed at childhood becomes murky and there are many forks in the road. I have had to weigh the pros and cons of decisions in the not-so-distant past and truly assess what is best for me. Sooner or later a child realizes that the hot stove burns their hand, and for some strange reason my scar tissue refuses to develop.

For those of us plagued with the "like me" syndrome, it is very difficult to discard those “toxic” individuals from our lives. I have recently begun to clean house relationships both meaningful and superficial. I have also watched some dear friends make the bold move. 

This unacceptable treatment runs the gambit from homeboys on the block calling you fat as you take your daily jog down a crowded Manhattan street or boyfriend who plays mind games to manipulate. Whatever the case may be, there comes a point when each woman takes a moment and realizes that this is not right for them. Women, hell bent and hardwired to be caretakers and peacemakers have to think of themselves and realize that someone liking them is not more important than them respecting themselves.

Now, my tolerance threshold remains high for many things, most importantly those I hold in high regard, but in terms of allowing people to treat me with less respect than I deserve, 30 is here and she is telling me, enough is enough.

B.E. is a photographer and aspiring freelance writer residing in New York City.

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