POLITICS AS USUAL | THE 2008 REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDERS
By Led Black
We here at the Republica Update are always thinking ahead. With that in mind, here is our list of possible Republican Presidential contenders for the 2008 election. The Republican Party is in massive disarray. The Iraq War as well the drubbing they took in the 2006 mid-term elections shook up the party but the Presidential elections are politically a long time away and major developments such as a widening of "The War on Terror" to include Iran could alter the American political landscape dramatically.
Congressman Thomas G. Tancredo (Colorado)
Tom Tancredo is a real scuzzball. He has built a nation wide reputation for his disdain and dislike of immigrants. Mr. Tancredo is a prime supporter of building a militarized wall along the border with Mexico. He is also closely aligned with the racist vigilantes that call themselves the Minuteman Project. This is the a-hole who recently likened the city of Miami to a “third world country” because of its large Hispanic population. Tom Tancredo is the Archie Bunker of modern day politics.
Former Governor of Arkansas Michael D. Huckabee
Michael D. Huckabee doesn’t have a chance in hell of becoming President. His last name alone is reason to not elect him, can you imagine President Huckabee. Anyway, his biggest claim to fame is that he recently lost over 100 pounds. He also bears an uncanny resemblance to Gomer Pyle. Well Golly!!!
US Senator Samuel D. Brownback (Kansas)
Kansas Senator Sam Brownback is straight up Looney tunes. This dude is George Bush without the intelligence. Exactly – he makes Bush look like Albert Einstein. Mr. Brownback is a kooky, bible thumping, anti-gay and anti-science Neanderthal. That he could even be considered a candidate for such a high office makes the United States look extremely backward and primitive.
US Senator John S. McCain III (Arizona)
While Arizona Senator John McCain is considered a top candidate for the Presidency, I think the time he spent as a P.O.W. in Vietnam has left him scarred emotionally and mentally. In short, this man has issues. He is an influential Republican warmonger and is a strong supporter of this current conflict. If this guy wins the Oval Office then it might be time to move to Canada.
Former New York City Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani
New Yorkers know this guy. Rudy like George Bush himself received a total makeover courtesy of September 11th. Before that tragic day, Giuliani was loathed by a good portion of his constituents because of his lack of sensitivity and some would say downright scorn of their concerns. The slaying of Patrick Dorismond and Amadou Diallo happened on his watch, in addition to the gruesome sodomy of Abner Louima. After 9/11 he became America’s mayor. His law and order persona plays well across the country but his pro-choice and pro-gay rights outlook will certainly hurt his prospects.
Former Governor W. Mitt Romney (Massachusetts)
The former governor Mitt Romney is also a front-runner for the 2008 Presidential nod. He is considered an authentic conservative alternative to both McCain and Giuliani and has raised considerable amounts of money thus far. In my opinion, this dude is just another fraud trying to ride the Evangelical wave all the way to the White House. I have to fight the urge to do the universal jerk-off hand gesture every time I see his face.
US Senator Charles T. Hagel (Nebraska)
Last but certainly not least is Chuck Hagel. He represents the realist, non-retarded wing of the Republican Party. He is a decorated war hero and fought in the frontlines in Vietnam unlike Bush and Cheney who don’t mind war as long as they are not doing the fighting and the dying. He is articulate, measured and is shaping up to be the Republican anti-war candidate. Check out this must read interview with him in GQ Magazine.