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By Led Black

X3 X-Men: The Last Stand begins in the past with a wheelchair-less Professor X and a much more benign and gay-looking Magneto trying to convince a young Jean Gray to attend the Xavier Academy.  Even at this early age, Jean Gray’s psychic power is indeed formidable, a fact that is underscored by her levitating all the cars just outside of her window.  This power would come in quite handy in NYC with alternate-side-of-the-street parking and all, I’m just saying.

Fast-forward to the future where mutants are at least tolerated if not truly accepted.  That all changes when a drug is developed that can turn mutants into non-mutants.  Magneto correctly surmises that it won’t be long before the government decides to use the cure as a weapon against mutants.  He takes it upon himself to amass a mutant army to prepare for the final apocalyptic battle with humanity.

Magneto kind of morphs into a mutant Osama, broadcasting threats to the establishment and taking a Bin Ladenesque thrill in destroying American landmarks.  One of the biggest problems with this film is that except for a handful of the main characters there is scant character development.  So many mutants so little time.

Cyclops, who was one of my favorite characters in the X-men comic book series, spends the few minutes that he is in this movie crying like a bitach.  Jean Grey also returns as her long-repressed alter-ego, The Phoenix.  The Phoenix is stronger, more vengeful and apparently hornier as well.  In one scene she practically rapes Wolverine.  Another thing I found hilarious was Arclight, a mutant played by Dominican Super Model Omayra Mota.

On the real, Omayra really looks like a mutant.  She doesn’t need a costume or anything. I even overheard a little kid in the theater asking his mom if Arclight was a boy or a girl.

While not a bad movie, the Brett Ratner produced X-Men: The Last Stand is not the out of this world film I expected.  I’d take either of the first 2 parts over this one.  Also, I know that this being a super hero flick, I should suspend my imagination but there was one thing I could not overlook.  In this movie, the President of the United States is an articulate, Shakespeare- quoting leader who just exudes gravitas.  C’mon, you expect me to believe that ish, please. 

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